How to create the romance you want

The more focused attention you give your romance (or anything!), the more rampant the growth. This is delightful when the object of your focus is something that you desire!

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Conversely, if you are focusing on the negative aspects, it can make your love relationship rather unpleasant too.

What to do?

If you want to shift what you are experiencing, then you will need to adjust your focus. It is best and infinitely more effective to do this slowly, bit by bit.

Trying to make an extreme change in your viewpoint is likely to be insincere and temporary.

Stop keeping score and stop obsessing over that which you do not like.

A good way to start the positive shift is by trying to find a thought that feels better than the one you have been thinking.

For example: Let’s say that you have been noticing that your mate doesn’t kiss you as often as you might like. The more you notice them not kissing you, the less you are kissed.

Perhaps you’ve mentioned it to them and maybe they have even agreed to try to remember to kiss you more often. But the kisses just aren’t materializing and you REALLY notice the absence of them.

Your focus is effectively creating more of what you do not want.

So you need to come up with a thought that feels better than “My mate never kisses me anymore.”

The progression could go something like this:

  • 1. My mate never kisses me anymore.
  • 2. My mate doesn’t kiss me as often as I’d like.
  • 3. My mate doesn’t kiss me as often as I’d like but they hug me every now and then.
  • 4. My mate hugs me every now and then and sometimes smiles at me when we pass in the hallway.
  • 5. My mate hugs me and usually smiles at me when we pass in the hallway.
  • 6. My mate hugs me and smiles at me. I know my mate cares about me.
  • 7. My unbelievably attractive and caring and devoted mate hugs me, smiles at me, takes out the garbage without being asked, cleans the toilet and brings home chocolate regularly.

Ooops! Slow down! You get the idea…

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