How to create the romance you want

The more focused attention you give your romance (or anything!), the more rampant the growth. This is delightful when the object of your focus is something that you desire!

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Lovers by a Fountain by Modesto Faustini
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Conversely, if you are focusing on the negative aspects, it can make your love relationship rather unpleasant too.

What to do?

If you want to shift what you are experiencing, then you will need to adjust your focus. It is best and infinitely more effective to do this slowly, bit by bit.

Trying to make an extreme change in your viewpoint is likely to be insincere and temporary.

Stop keeping score and stop obsessing over that which you do not like.

A good way to start the positive shift is by trying to find a thought that feels better than the one you have been thinking.

For example: Let’s say that you have been noticing that your mate doesn’t kiss you as often as you might like. The more you notice them not kissing you, the less you are kissed.

Perhaps you’ve mentioned it to them and maybe they have even agreed to try to remember to kiss you more often. But the kisses just aren’t materializing and you REALLY notice the absence of them.

Your focus is effectively creating more of what you do not want.

So you need to come up with a thought that feels better than “My mate never kisses me anymore.”

The progression could go something like this:

  • 1. My mate never kisses me anymore.
  • 2. My mate doesn’t kiss me as often as I’d like.
  • 3. My mate doesn’t kiss me as often as I’d like but they hug me every now and then.
  • 4. My mate hugs me every now and then and sometimes smiles at me when we pass in the hallway.
  • 5. My mate hugs me and usually smiles at me when we pass in the hallway.
  • 6. My mate hugs me and smiles at me. I know my mate cares about me.
  • 7. My unbelievably attractive and caring and devoted mate hugs me, smiles at me, takes out the garbage without being asked, cleans the toilet and brings home chocolate regularly.

Ooops! Slow down! You get the idea…

Being “in love” is good for us.

You read it in books. You watch it in movies. You listen to it in songs.

Love makes the world go ’round. Love is a many splendored thing. All we need is love. Right?

Have you noticed when you are newly in love, just about everything in our lives gets better? Not just our love relationships. Everything!

Why is that?

When we direct most of our attention to feeling the breathless excitement and exhilaration of a new passion, our positive, uplifted outlook can’t help but roll over into the rest of our lives.

The more we focus on everything that is wonderful, the broader and more delicious the effects will be.

When you give your attention to something in your love relationship, be it positive or negative, it will get bigger.

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Wedded by Frederick Leighton

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The more focused attention you give it, the more rampant the growth. This is delightful when the object of your focus is something that you desire!